The Waiting Game

     We have become accustomed to having access to anything we desire at our fingertips. We can send and receive messages to and from our friends within minutes, instantly stream music, movies and TV shows and even find the answer to almost anything on Google. We can even receive free food at a fast food restaurant if our order takes more than a couple of minutes. Let's face it, waiting has increasingly become more and more of an inconvenience to society. No matter what stage of life we are in, waiting always factors in somehow...as children, we excitedly wait for Christmas morning, for teenagers, waiting to turn 16 and get their driver's license seems agonizing and many adults count down the days until vacation kicks off. 

     Over the last several months, God has really been speaking to my heart about waiting. Honestly, I've been putting off writing (and even publishing!) this post as long as I could. Psalms 62:5-6 says:

"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken."

     I've read both verses so many times. Through our adoption journey and all of my impatience, it is finally sinking in. This whole process has been a series of waiting, what seemed to be roadblocks and learning to let go of control. Giving up control is a major struggle for me...I'm the kind of person that puts an address in the GPS for places I go every day just to know exactly what time I will arrive. 

     We officially began the process in January by filling out tons and tons of paperwork. You really wouldn't believe the amount! Often, we would fill out one application, mail it and then wait for a background check or approval before we could begin the next step. Eventually, the paperwork was complete and we were ready for our home study, contract paperwork and profile. After what seemed like FOREVER, we were finally active!! Then came the fun part...we were able to begin presenting our profiles to birth moms. We thought this would be the easiest part of waiting, but I think it's actually the most nerve-racking. However, we know God has the right baby chosen for our family! 

     As we have struggled with waiting during this journey, we have constantly been reminded of God's grace and His completely perfect plan. What I had been looking at through frustrated, confused and impatient eyes, I'm now starting to see as ways for God to be glorified in all aspects. We see so many examples of this throughout the Bible. The name of the Lord is made known through the periods of waiting, crazy circumstances and things way beyond our understanding. Whatever you are waiting for, whether it be big or small, trust in His amazing plan and perfect timing. Lamentations 3:26 says:

"So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord."

Caitlin     

Thank you for your continued prayers and support!! It would not be possible for us to "Bring Home D'Baby" without you! With that being said, we are still in need of a large amount of funding to offset expenses. Would you prayerfully consider adopting a puzzle piece? The following numbers are still available:

28, 32-36, 38, 46, 48-49, 53, 55-56, 58, 60-61, 64-79, 81-87, 89-99, 103-105, 107-112, 114-126, 129-130, 133-146, 149, 151, 154-167, 169, 171-172, 174-186, 188-197, 199, 201, 203, 205, 207-211, 213-221, 223-229, 231-249, 251-268, 270-285, 287-295

T-Shirt Fundraiser! 

All shirts are a super-soft material and are available in the following sizes:

2T-4T $21.00

YXS - YXL $21.00

Adult S - Adult XL  $21.00

Adult 2X & Adult 3X $23.00

You can purchase shirts from Joe & Janet Dunbar, Mike & Annette Jones, Jennifer Dunbar, Brennan Jones, Ashley Morries or from our website:

bringinghomeDbaby.bigcartel.com

The 'Hard' of Adoption

On the surface, adoption looks difficult and overwhelming, but that’s mostly due to the paperwork and the crazy amount of hoops you have to jump through.  However, that’s not the “hard” of adoption.  As we promised, we want to be transparent throughout this journey so you would know how to pray for us and so we can help others in the same situation feel less alone, so that’s what we are trying to do.

As you know already from reading our other blog posts, there have been some major struggles along our journey to become parents.  Infertility is a very dark and defeating “predator” that seems to consume it’s “prey” from the inside out.  It’s such a lonely situation because for some reason, it’s hard to talk about.  Then through the loss of our first child in pregnancy, the darkness moves in even tighter.

God placed adoption on our hearts long ago, even before we were married.  We, of course, had different plans on the timing of it all, but he revealed to us that now was the time.  We researched and did our homework, but nothing could prepare us for the “hard” that was to come.

We thought the “hard” was all the paperwork and the red tape that we seemed to be constantly running into.  And while that was definitely a challenge, it was nothing compared to this stage of just waiting.  At least then we had something to do with papers and meetings.  Now, all we can do is try to live our lives while we constantly check our phones for emails or texts of a potential situation that we might be able to afford and might work out for us, to say yes to be presented, only to wait even more to see if that birth mother would like to choose us out of the many amazing families presented to her. 

We thought we had experienced loneliness before.  We had no idea what loneliness was.  This is lonely.  There are some things we are allowed to share, some things we are not.  No one that we know understands what we’re going through, not because they don't try to, just because every journey is so unique.  Our friends and family do an amazing job of encouraging us and we are so thankful for them, because without their support, we wouldn’t be able to do it at all.  But there are no words that can really take the pain away of finding out that you were not chosen by a birth mother, or that you cannot move forward with a situation simply because you can’t afford it.

It is so lonely.  That’s the only word we can come up with to adequately describe the feelings.  Yes, we have each other.  But the truth is, the pain of seeing your best friend and the love of your life hurting is even more painful than what we feel ourselves. It’s always on our mind and it’s always on our lips in prayer, yet we have to keep living life as if nothing is happening, not knowing if we will be parents tomorrow, next month or even next year.

So, the “hard” of adoption is definitely hard.  It’s harder than we ever imagined it would be.  So as you pray, pray for strength and peace.  Pray that the right situation will come soon and that God will remove any financial or logistical hurdles.  Pray for comfort in our hearts.  Thank you all for being on this journey with us.

Thank you to our friends, who have prayed for us and encouraged us.  Please keep it up.

Thank you to our families, who have lent us so much strength and courage.  Thank you for your constant prayers and encouragement as well.  Please keep it up.

Hebrews 11:1 says, “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen: it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”  We are thankful for our God who has always been faithful and will remain faithful throughout this process.

Humbly,

Jason & Caitlin

Puzzle Update!!!

We just wanted to thank those who have given so far!  We cannot do this without you and you each mean so much to us!  We want to also thank the groups who have given.  Our Students and Youth Volunteers at Marion Baptist who came together and adopted puzzle pieces and also Life in Christ Church who adopted a puzzle piece!  Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts!

****UPDATE**** September 15 -  Thank you to those who have given already!  We wanted to update on the numbers that have been spoken for as of today (September 15).  Those numbers are: 1-27, 29-31, 39, 45, 50-52, 57, 59, 62, 80, 88, 100, 106, 127, 173, 198, 200, 204, 222, 230 and 297-300.  All others are still available!  Thanks again!

We are finally finished with most of the paperwork!!!  We just got word today that we are officially active!!!  This is the time we have been waiting for!  We now wait for the situation God's designed for us to come along!  Thank you all for your prayer and support through this process.  Keep it up!

Now here comes the really hard part.  We have prayed about this for quite some time.  For those of you familiar with adoption or who have adopted, you understand the financial hurdle (details below).  This has been the one constant that has concerned us most from the beginning. However, we know God will take care of this hurdle.  For many, it is the one thing that keeps them from adopting at all.  The costs add up so quickly.

We really prayed hard about how to financially make it possible. We have saved ourselves, but there’s no way for us to be able to save enough. We have applied for grants and will hopefully receive some of those, but it isn’t guaranteed. At times, our pride has made us feel like we need to do this all on our own and prevented us from asking for help.  Over the last several months, people began asking how they could help us and we just kept telling everyone to pray. We didn’t realize that God wanted to use others to bless us. People wanted to pray, but they also wanted to do more.  

We were too ashamed to ask for help financially, until one person said to us, “You know, you need to realize that it’s a blessing for people to be able to help you some financially in this journey, and by not allowing them to help, you’re not allowing them to experience that blessing.”

That completely changed our perspective.  We then realized that so many people wanted to help out.  Some who have been praying for years along with us to have children, some who may not be in a place themselves to adopt, and some who simply wanted to reach out a helping hand.

So, with humble hearts, we ask for help.  There is no easy or elegant way to say that we cannot do this alone.  We need you.

So, how can you help?  Adopt a Puzzle Piece!  We have puzzle pieces numbered 1-300.  Each number represents that corresponding dollar amount (ex., #1 is $1, #157 is $157, etc.).  We are asking everyone to adopt a numbered puzzle piece and give that amount.  You can adopt a combination of numbers or even adopt a number as a group or family.  Each person will receive a puzzle piece (or pieces if you adopt more than one) as a keepsake and prayer token to help remember to be in prayer for our soon-to-be growing family!  We will keep this page updated on the available numbers as we go along. (If you have already given through the church, we thank you!!!  If you would like that gift to be applied to a puzzle piece(s), please let us know and we would be happy to do that!)

We will also have a matching puzzle piece that will have your name (family or individual name) on it.  When complete, the puzzle will be hung in a double-sided frame with the picture on one side and the names of all those who gave sacrificially and prayerfully for this child to be in our arms.

How do you give?  There are a couple options.  We have set up a PayPal account for those who would like to give electronically (Donate below).  You can also give directly with a check via mail, which is the preferred method (email us at bringinghomedbaby@gmail.com for our home address).  All amounts are appreciated.  This would not be possible without you!  Thank you in advance for blessing us through your outstretched hand!

 

So why does it cost so much?  Well, that is a good question.  Our situation could be as much as $40,000 plus $5,000 for consulting and home study fees, totaling $45,000.  Here is a breakdown of average costs for a domestic adoption (these are estimates, not exact):

Adoption Consultants/Referral Firm -  $3,500

Home Study - $1,500

Agency Fees - $15,000

Court/Legal Fees - $2,000 - $4,000

Documentation - $500

Birth mother expenses - $5,000

Hospital/Health expenses - $10,000 - $15,000

Travel/Hotel expenses - $3,000 - $5,000

Post Placement fees - $500

Miscellaneous - $500 - $5,000

It is hard to be exact because every situation is so different.  Of course, we pray it will be as inexpensive as possible, but that is out of our control.  If you have any questions or would like more details or clarification, please don’t hesitate to contact us at bringinghomedbaby@gmail.com.

Thank you to our students!

Our students (and student leaders!) have the biggest hearts!!! This morning, they surprised us with a generous donation for our Adopt a Puzzle Piece fundraiser. They shared that they had been secretly collecting money for weeks! 

"Thank you" does not even begin to express our gratitude to each of our students and leaders. This gift has helped to ease the financial burden of adoption. Your thoughtfulness and generosity means so much to us!!! You all are awesome! 

These students have been some of our biggest supporters and prayers warriors throughout this journey. We are so blessed to know that Baby Dunbar will have so many "big brothers" and "big sisters" to look up to. We love you all very much!!! 

What does "Active" mean?

Many of you know from personal experience, the adoption process has so many steps along the way.  There are many times when you have to hurry and quickly submit certain paperwork or make a quick decision only to immediately have to sit and wait for days to hear back or to move on.  It’s emotional, and definitely tries one’s patience, but it has also taught us (and continues to teach us) more about putting full faith in God.

We have to trust that God’s timing is perfect.  We have to trust that He will make it clear which situations to pursue.  We have to trust that He will provide health and safety for our future children.  We have to trust that He will provide the finances when we need them.  It’s all a process of hurrying up to finish this step, so we can just wait indefinitely for the next step to begin.

It’s hard to update everyone on the progress, when there are times we don’t even know.  However, for the sake of full transparency, we will attempt to update as best we can.

As we’ve mentioned, we are officially “active.”  That is an adoption word that basically means all of our paperwork has finally been completed and we are in a place where we could be matched to a birth mother at any time.  This is one of those “waiting” situations.  We wait to have situations presented to us (a “situation” is where a pregnant birth mother has decided to put her baby up for adoption when it arrives or it could be where a child is already born and has been put up for adoption).  Situations can come up at any point during the day or night.  Some allow us a day or two to pray over and decide, and some allow only minutes to pray and decide.

As we pray over the situation, we ask God if this situation is one for us to present to or not.  Sometimes, God allows a situation to come into our lives not for us to present to, but just for the purpose of us being able to pray for that mother and baby.  Then if we choose to present, the agency (at some point, timing ranges from that day to weeks later) will present our portfolio to the birth mother (along with any other families who chose to present) and she will choose which family she wants to bless with her baby.  At that point, once a birth mother chooses us and the situation is still feasible for us, we would be matched. 

So, that is where we are currently.  We are waiting for potential situations and praying over each one as they come and presenting to the ones to which God has lead.  It’s a very emotional time, trying to make sure we do exactly what God would have us do, but rewarding at the same time being able to pray specifically for these mothers and babies all over the country.

So, we ask that you continue to pray.  Pray for clarity and peace as we journey on.  Continue to pray for mental and physical health of our future children and for the health of the birth mother.  Pray for guidance and direction.  And, of course, pray much for the finances.

We still need to raise roughly $40,000 in order to make this happen.  If you would like to help by adopting a puzzle piece, please contact us at bringinghomeDbaby@gmail.com .  The updated available numbers are below: 
As of August 13 - We are making progress!  Thank you to those who have given already!  We wanted to update on the numbers that have been spoken for as of today (July 25).  Those numbers are: 1-8, 10-27, 29-31, 39, 45, 50-52, 57, 80, 88, 100, 106, 127, 173, 230 and 297-300.  All others are still available!  Thanks again!

(for more detailed information on Adopt a Puzzle Piece, check out our blog entry to the right, called “Adopt a Puzzle Piece and Help Us Bring Home ‘D Baby”)

Thank you and God Bless!

Jason & Caitlin

Adoptive Daddy

I'm beyond excited for us to finally become a family!  I can't wait to see Caitlin become the incredible Mom to our children that she already is to so many of the kids and youth in our lives!  And I can't wait to become a Dad, myself!  I have always wanted to be a dad.  I was blessed to grow up with an amazing Dad and Mom who were great role models, and I can't wait to see them become grandparents and my sister to become an aunt!

With that said, I just wanted to share a little from my perspective.  Before all of this, I was very unfamiliar with the whole world of adoption (and still have so much more to learn), but I didn't realize how little information there was out there specifically for adoptive dads.  I don't know about you or the rest of the world, but to me, the gift of fatherhood is one I yearn to receive, and I know the same goes for Caitlin and the idea of motherhood.  I use that word, "yearn," purposefully.  It means to have a strong desire for something or to have a tenderness or moving toward something.  With yearning, there is emotional  pain.  Wanting and yearning are completely different.  I want a lot of things in life; brand new car, big tv, the latest gadgets, etc.  All of these things are nice and of course, I'd like to have them, just like most of you would too.  But, I don't have any emotional pain pulling me toward any of those things.  Becoming a father is much deeper.  The desire is so strong and there is an emotional tenderness toward it that words cannot express.

I think so many adoptive dads are afraid to talk about it because it's not "manly" or may seem “weak.”  But to me, the strongest and most positive dad is one who is honest and open.  Adoption is an extremely emotional journey, and it should not be left up to the wife to carry it all alone.  The dads have to step up and be involved. 

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ.

1 Corinthians 11:3a

I guess for me, one blessing I have received through this process is the gift of appreciation.  So many couples are blessed to have children with no difficulties at all, and many times without even trying.  That is such a wonderful thing!  And I celebrate with them in their joy!  However, the struggles we have faced have made us see babies and children in such a different light.  We appreciate the idea of parenthood in such a way that it is so precious and so fragile, and one that we will not take lightly. This is not to say others don’t appreciate being parents, because I know that is not the case.  I just mean that through loss and heartache, a deeper appreciation than words can adequately describe will emerge.  I can’t wait to “appreciate” fatherhood!

So, if nothing else, I hope that through this journey, I can be of some help to adoptive dads out there who are struggling through this process.  I most likely won’t know the answers to many questions, but I will absolutely be a prayer partner and a sounding board to any guys with the same yearning for fatherhood and may be looking into adoption. 

Thanks!

Jason

UPDATE:

We are still looking for friends and family to “Adopt a Puzzle Piece.”  Financially we cannot do this without the help of you all.  Please check out the latest update on the post “Adopt a Puzzle Piece and Help us Bring Home ‘D Baby!” 

****UPDATE**** July 25 - We are making progress!  Thank you to those who have given already!  We wanted to update on the numbers that have been spoken for as of today (July 25).  Those numbers are: 1-8, 10-15, 17-20, 24-26, 30-31, 39, 45, 50-52, 57, 80, 88, 100, 106, 127, 173, 230 and 297-300.  All others are still available!  Thanks again!