On the surface, adoption looks difficult and overwhelming,
but that’s mostly due to the paperwork and the crazy amount of hoops you have
to jump through. However, that’s not the
“hard” of adoption. As we promised, we
want to be transparent throughout this journey so you would know how to pray
for us and so we can help others in the same situation feel less alone, so
that’s what we are trying to do.
As you know already from reading our other blog posts, there
have been some major struggles along our journey to become parents. Infertility is a very dark and defeating
“predator” that seems to consume it’s “prey” from the inside out. It’s such a lonely situation because for some
reason, it’s hard to talk about. Then
through the loss of our first child in pregnancy, the darkness moves in even
tighter.
God placed adoption on our hearts long ago, even before we
were married. We, of course, had
different plans on the timing of it all, but he revealed to us that now was the
time. We researched and did our
homework, but nothing could prepare us for the “hard” that was to come.
We thought the “hard” was all the paperwork and the red tape
that we seemed to be constantly running into.
And while that was definitely a challenge, it was nothing compared to
this stage of just waiting. At least
then we had something to do with papers and meetings. Now, all we can do is try to live our lives
while we constantly check our phones for emails or texts of a potential
situation that we might be able to afford and might work out for us, to say yes
to be presented, only to wait even more to see if that birth mother would like
to choose us out of the many amazing families presented to her.
We thought we had experienced loneliness before. We had no idea what loneliness was. This is lonely. There are some things we are allowed to
share, some things we are not. No one
that we know understands what we’re going through, not because they don't try
to, just because every journey is so unique.
Our friends and family do an amazing job of encouraging us and we are so
thankful for them, because without their support, we wouldn’t be able to do it
at all. But there are no words that can
really take the pain away of finding out that you were not chosen by a birth
mother, or that you cannot move forward with a situation simply because you
can’t afford it.
It is so lonely.
That’s the only word we can come up with to adequately describe the
feelings. Yes, we have each other. But the truth is, the pain of seeing your
best friend and the love of your life hurting is even more painful than what we
feel ourselves. It’s always on our mind and it’s always on our lips in prayer,
yet we have to keep living life as if nothing is happening, not knowing if we
will be parents tomorrow, next month or even next year.
So, the “hard” of adoption is definitely hard. It’s harder than we ever imagined it would
be. So as you pray, pray for strength
and peace. Pray that the right situation
will come soon and that God will remove any financial or logistical
hurdles. Pray for comfort in our
hearts. Thank you all for being on this
journey with us.
Thank you to our friends, who have prayed for us and
encouraged us. Please keep it up.
Thank you to our families, who have lent us so much strength
and courage. Thank you for your constant
prayers and encouragement as well.
Please keep it up.
Hebrews 11:1 says,
“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen: it gives
us assurance about things we cannot see.”
We are thankful for our God who has always been faithful and will remain
faithful throughout this process.
Humbly,
Jason & Caitlin
